The real you.
Some days I feel like I’m too much and some days I’m not enough. Some days I’m strong and feel like superwoman and others I feel so weak that I don’t want to get out of bed.
I am an extrovert in some situations and an introvert in others. I love to get dressed up, get ready, and be around people and then sometimes all I want to do is stay in my pajamas for a week straight, close all my blinds, and make my kids play the silent game when the doorbell rings so no one knows I’m home.
I get excited about silly little things and upset about the littlest things. I speak too loud in restaurants and in public places and my feelings and thoughts are always on the craziest roller coaster ride.
Some days I’m in my bible for 30 minutes or more and some days all I want to do is scroll through my social media while sitting on the couch drinking a luke warm cup of coffee. Okay, let’s be real, cold coffee that I have previously heated up 3 times in the microwave. My 4 kids have a pact to never let mom drink hot coffee.
I love Jesus and my church but I still use curse words. A lot.
I use social media as a place to try and show my “realness” but often get caught up in comparison when looking at other people’s lives, families, relationships, and bodies.
I sing loud in the car, in the worship center, in the shower. I break out in dance in the kitchen or in the toy aisle at Target. I have a love/hate relationship with being the center of attention.
I give other people grace but rarely give myself the same grace I grant other people.
I am always late. Always. At least 10 minutes late if not more. Unless I’m taking my kids to school. Then I’m sitting in the parking lot 5 minutes early.
Some days I text back immediately using far too many emojis and exclamation points and other days I read a text message, start typing half a response, and then switch to something else on my phone or put it down to change an extremely dirty diaper.
When other people bump into me, I quickly apologize but when it comes to me saying something that hurt someone’s feelings, even if I didn’t mean to, it takes me a while to say, “Im sorry”.
I speak what’s on my mind but I also am really good at giving someone the silent treatment.
I laugh really, really loud. But I also cry, really, really loud. I make jokes and love to make people laugh until their cheeks hurt. I cry when other people cry, no matter what they’re crying about.
There are seasons where I’m a really good friend and seasons where I need really good friends.
On Mondays I’m a really good mom and wife and by Friday, I’m ready to throw in the towel, call the pizza guy, and hope everyone is asleep by their bed time so that I can sit on the couch and binge watch trash tv.
I often over commit to things, but when I do commit, I give hard. I give it my all. I want to impress others greatly which often leads to anxiety and overwhelming pressure.
I live and love hard. I love fiercely. I fight fiercely. I give love freely. But forgiveness, whew, that’s an area I need to work on.
There are times where I ask for help all the time and other times where my pride gets the best of me and help is the last thing I want to ask for but the first thing I need.
As I look at the things above, here’s what I realize. There is nothing wrong with me. I see where I’m strong and I see where I need to change. I want to be open about both my strengths and my weaknesses. I want people to call on me when they need something and say, “Kayla is good at that, let’s see if she can help”, but I also want my people to say, “Kayla is struggling here, let’s help her, let’s stretch her”.
I’ve tried to quiet myself when I feel like I’m a lot and I’ve tried to be more when I feel like I’m not enough. But that’s not fair. That’s not fair to try and be someone I’m not to my friends, my family, and more importantly, myself.
I was not made to be less, to be more, to be anything but myself. I was made to be me.
Some days I’m strong, some days I’m weak, but most days, I just try to be real, the real ME.
The world needs you to bask in your strengths but also not hide your weaknesses. The world needs more of the real you.